Taking a Break from Noodles

Although noodles will continue to be produced and millions of people will enjoy them every day, I won't be one of them - for a while anyway.

For a few years now I've been living with a condition called Fibromyalgia, It's a badly understood chronic condition that results in pain all over the body and it can be quite crippling at times. As the only thing doctors want you to do about is to get counselling to deal with it I thought I'd give myself the opportunity to see if I can shift it myself.

Recently I have been introduced to a concept that states that certain foods create inflammation in the body and unfortunately instant noodles contain a lot of them; processed wheat, sugar, MSG, etc... So, I'm going for a bit of a different diet and I'm going to document it all on, you guessed it, a blog.

As soon as I start the diet and the blog there will be a link to it HERE, until then I hope you find some use from this blog in your own noodle adventures.

Kind regards,

James

#70 - Kailo Beef Bucket Noodles

• Brand: Kailo
• Flavour: Spicy Beef Flavour
• Cost: £1.29
• From: Tesco
• Description: Beef Flavour Instant Noodles
• Weight: 120g (720g when hydrated)
• Allergies: Contains Wheat Flour & Soybean

A BEEF BUCKET??? Yes please!!! Never have I seen a packet of instant noodles of such a size - 120g and then you add 600ml of water - this is very exciting. The packaging is all something I've seen before but on a much larger scale. Unfortunately none of the packaging (from what I can tell) is recyclable, and there's a lot of it and there's a plastic fork in there - grrrr... The preparation is simple and seeing as you can eat it straight from the pot this product gets 1 out of 2 in round one of scoring.

How does it taste? The answer is lovely. The ingredients list is broken down into the constituent parts which include:

• Seasoning - sugar, salt, dehydrated soy sauce, artificial beef flavour, caramel colour, spices (chilli, Sichuan wilder pepper), MSG, tomato powder, maltodextrin, silicon dioxide and yeast extracts)
• Dehydrated Vegetables - cabbage, carrot, green bean
• Sauce Pack - Palm oil, wheat flour paste, chilli, Sichaun wilder pepper

There's not a lot there that makes you go "What?", if there are a couple of things you don't recognise just take a look at the glossary page. From these ingredients the main thing you pick up is the Sichuan wilder pepper and it's right up my street. They get 3 out of 4.

Does it remind me of a spicy beef dish? The answer is in parts. You see there is a hint of beef flavour but it's not huge, there is however a real spiciness to this product and it's doing wonders for my cold. Because it's a bit beefy and definitely spicy they get 1.5 out of 2.

How do I feel now I've finished it? The answer is stuffed, that's a lot of noodles. Also loving the chilli afterburn. One question though, I can see peas, spring onion and possibly coriander in there and they aren't mentioned on the ingredients list - how can this be? Even with that question, it's 2 out of 2.

Conclusion - Bigger doesn't automatically mean better but this is pretty awesome

Need 4 Noodle Rating: 7.5/10

#69 - Tiger Tiger Thai Red Curry Flavour Instant Noodles

• Brand: Tiger Tiger
• Flavour: Thai Red Curry Flavour
• Cost: £0.62
• From: Tesco
• Description: N/A
• Weight: 100g (400g when hydrated)
• Allergies: Contains Wheat, Soya Bean; May Contain Milk, Nuts, Celery, Mustard, Sesame

Mmmmm, if you've ever had a Thai red curry I bet you loved it, creamy and spicy with a lovely freshness from citrus flavours and lemongrass, plus a lovely depth from spices like cumin and ginger - it's a real favourite of mine. So when I saw this packet in Tesco I picked it up with glee, clearly forgetting how thoroughly unimpressed I was with the other Tiger Tiger flavour I've tried, Tikka Masala.

Anyway, as I always say, "You can't judge the whole group by the actions of an individual" so off we go. Usual score for a packet noodle product is 0.5 out of 2 for the first section, this is no different. They get half a point for simple prep instructions, no points for not being able to eat straight from the packet and no points for recyclability.

How do they taste? The answer is of fried noodles,  which although being a nice flavour isn't really what I signed up for. The ingredients list contains curry powder and spices which include coriander, chilli, cumin, turmeric, fennel, cinnamon, star anise, clove, paprika, ginger and lemongrass. The volumes of these must be tiny though because in total there's 1.2% curry powder (curry powder to cloves) and 1.2% spices (paprika, ginger & lemongrass). The product weighs 100g, that means there's 1.2g of curry powder and 1.2g of spices. I don't have any 0.1 sensitive scales so I can't show you what this looks like but I do know this - it's not a lot. As I write this I have a chilli heat sensation spreading through my mouth but, and I didn't mention this earlier, there's also listings for chilli powder and garlic powder - it is essentially as if they needn't have bothered with the curry powder and spices. Flavour score is 1 out of 4.

Do they remind me of a Thai red curry? The answer is no, they taste of noodles with a hint of chilli - that is all.

How do I feel now I've finished it? Apart from concerned that I have another version of Tiger Tiger noodles in the cupboard I don't feel too bad. I enjoy the chilli sensation and I certainly feel satiated. I'm going to be kind here and offer 1.5 out of 2.

Conclusion: Don't believe everything you read, which is a bit ridiculous when you're reading a product description

Need 4 Noodle Rating: 3/4

#68 - Koka Beef Flavour Noodles

• Brand: Koka Noodles
• Flavour: BeefFlavour
• Cost: £0.39
• From: Tesco
• Description: Oriential Style Instant Noodles
• Weight: 85g (485g when rehydrated)
• Allergies: None Listed

Another packet of Koka Noodles from our Singaporean friends at Tat Hui Foods. This is the packet version of their beef flavour.

0.5 out of 2 for section 1 as they're easy to prepare (add to a pan of 400ml boiling water and simmer for 2-3 minutes) but you have to get your own eating vessel and none of the packaging is recyclable.

How do they taste? The answer is quite nice. They're a lovely consistency and you get a good amount of broth. This is where most of the flavour is as the noodles themselves don't seem to soak up much of the flavour but the taste is quite pleasant and not too salty. I'll go for 2 out of 4.

Do they remind me of a beef dish? The answer is only slightly as there is a hint of beef flavour. Looking at the ingredients list they have added some artificial beef flavour which is a lot more than certain UK manufacturers do, there's also a reference to spices, soya bean extract and good old MSG. I can only give half a point out of 2 here.

How do I feel now I've finished? The answer is pretty good, nice flavour left in the old noodle hole and ready to go for the afternoon. 2 out of 2.

Conclusion: For a light lunch you can't go far wrong with this 39p product.

Need 4 Noodle Rating: 5/10

#67 - Batchelor's Thai Green Curry Flavour Noodles

• Brand: Batchelor’s Super Noodles
• Flavour: Thai Green Curry
• Cost: £0.50 (reduced from £0.68)
• From: Tesco
• Description: Super Noodles in a tasty Thai green curry flavour sauce
• Weight: 100g (400g when prepared)
• Allergies: Contains Celery, Gluten, Milk and Wheat

AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL

I must be crazy, all I've managed to get when I've had these so called 'super' noodles in the past is annoyed. It really gets to me that these awful products are so popular when there's so much better out there and, in the main, at a cheaper price. I grew up in a time when people were proud of British products, when we were competing on the world stage in every way we could. So, can someone please tell me why this particular British manufacturer doesn't seem to care in the slightest. I can see them now in their product development meetings, "Well it doesn't taste anything like the name we've given it, the noodles are a bit sticky and it's overpriced - well done everyone, remember consistency is key!" What an absolute joke, they should be embarrassed. Instant noodles are a multi billion pound industry throughout the world and yet I can hardly imagine any country outside of the UK stocking this bilge, not when the competition is so good. I have, at this stage, to give it up to Kabuto - a truly wonderful British producer of outstanding noodle products that I could see on the shelves of any supermarket anywhere in the world. Wow, I almost forgot about Batchelor's other forays into the noodle market with their Deli Box and Pot Shot ranges - incredible really that they'd try to build anything on the foundation that is Super Noodles. I was always taught to make sure you had a strong foundation otherwise everything can come crashing down. I'm normally a very liberal person but honestly, if I heard Batchelor's noodle department had come crashing down I might do a jig before hastily wishing all of the factory workers luck in finding a new position. The developers however, well...

You may be wondering "Why oh Noodle King do you put yourself through this?" and my answer is simple, I am dedicated to the cause of finding the best noodle product on the market. This year I've already done 66 reviews and there are many more to do, I cant simply miss one out, who knows I might get the shock of my life and find one that I really like. I mean, 3 of the 14 Batchelor's products I've reviewed so far have scored over 5 points, take a look at the Noodle League and see for yourselves.

So, shall we get on with it... 

Like most packet products none of the materials used are recyclable, the preparation is easy though. This scores them 0.5 out of 2 because you get half a point for easy prep, half a point if you can eat direct from the packaging and then between 0 and 1 points depending on how recyclable the packaging is.

How do they taste? Sweet and salty with a hint of spice. A quick look at the ingredients and apparently they contain onion powder, garlic powder, ginger, coriander, vinegar, chilli, parsley and tomato powder - REALLY??? I can perhaps taste a little bit of ginger, onion and garlic. I can see the parsley but it doesn't seem to do anything of any note to the overall flavour which is just bland-salty-sweetness. This section allows for 4 points for overall flavour, I am going to give them 1 point, and that's generous.

Do they remind me of a traditional Thai green curry dish? The answer is HELL NO! Despite my penchant for instant noodles I am actually a pretty good cook. Thai curries are very popular in my household and the first things I think of when I'm thinking of making one are coconut milk and lemongrass. Neither of these are in the ingredients. Then I think of kaffir lime leaves, I suppose citric acid will have to do eh Batchelor's? The ones I cook are always topped with fresh coriander leaves to really bring home that citrus taste over the creamy sauce and I can't taste any coriander in this dish at all. Also, my dish would also contain sugar and salt, the difference being that they wouldn't be the predominant flavours. Needless to say, of the two points available for this section, this product is getting 0.

How do I feel now I've finished it? The answer is furious but that doesn't answer the question directly. I actually feel satiated but with a taste in my mouth that reminds me of when you lick the top of a square battery - it ain't nice. They get 1 point out of two.

Conclusion: Batchelor's need to wake up, as do the British public, the imported products that are available in supermarkets are of a higher quality and are usually cheaper for an equivalent product. As I said before, take a look at the Noodle League and you'll see what's out there. Also, a product that contains 60% of your daily suggested saturated fat intake can only be described one way - EVIL!

Need 4 Noodle Rating: 2.5/10

I shouldn't go on but I'm going to; proudly putting no artificial, colours or preservatives on the packet is great but then also proudly displaying that one packet contains 34% of your daily fat, 60% of your daily saturates and 26% of your daily salt is weird. Also, looking at the full ingredients list you see the product contains butylated hydroxyanisole, propyl gallate and maltodextrin. Don't be surprised if you don't know what any of these are but if you want to find out, have a look at the Glossary.

#66 - Mama Mi Goreng Flavour Noodles

• Brand: Mama
• Flavour: Mi Goreng
• Cost: £0.60
• From: Tesco
• Description: Stir Fried Noodles
• Weight: 80g (480g when rehydrated)
• Allergies: Wheat, Soy, Crustaceans and Shrimp

Mama noodles are without doubt one of my favourite brands, they always seem to do a fantastic job and put real care into the product. The next step I want them to go for is to put some real care into the ability to recycle their packaging because even though they're delicious and easy to prepare they're only ever going to get 0,5 out of 2 for the first round of scoring. If you don't know by now they get half a point for being easy to prepare, half a point if you can eat straight from the packaging, half a point if the packaging is part recyclable and another half point if they're totally recyclable.

Just so you know, prep with these is a simple as putting the noodles and the contents of 4 flavour sachets (yes, 4!) into a pan of 400ml boiling water and simmering for 3 minutes.

How do they taste? The answer is delicious, I really like these. There's a great chilli kick that surrounds the flavouring and what's really surprising is the amount of artificial flavours in here. Listed as artificial are: oyster, shallot and garlic. I'm not sure how you get those but I'm still impressed. The flavours are a little bit fishy, quite sweet and a lovely taste of onion. Lovely, I'm going 4 out of 4.

Do they remind me of traditional Mi Goreng? Mi Goreng is made with thin yellow noodles fried in cooking oil with garlic, onion or shallots, fried prawn, chicken, or beef, sliced bakso (meatballs), chili, Chinese cabbage, cabbages, tomatoes, egg, and acar (pickles). Ubiquitous in Indonesia, it can be found everywhere in the country, sold by all food vendors from street-hawkers to high-end restaurants. It is an Indonesian one-dish meal favorite, although street food hawkers commonly sell it together with nasi goreng (fried rice). It is commonly available at mamak stalls in Singapore and Malaysia and is often spicy. What they've managed to do here is very impressive and I'm giving them 2 out of 2. I realise there's no beef or chicken flavour but that isn't totally necessary anyway.

How do I feel now I've finished it? Honestly, before lunch I was feeling quite a bit under the weather but this has really woken me up. I feel full and ready to go, what more do you want? 2 out of 2.

Conclusion: Mama noodles rock!

Need 4 Noodles Score: 8.5/10 - another perfect score missed out on due to packaging!

#65 - Koka Vegetable Flavour Noodles

• Brand: Koka Noodles
• Flavour: Vegetable Flavour
• Cost: £0.89
• From: Tesco
• Description: N/A
• Weight: 70g (unknown when rehydrated)
• Allergies: None Listed

Frothy, like sea, and just as salty

Eagle eyed readers will say "Hey, you've reviewed Koka Vegetable Flavour Noodles before!" and I'd say "Yes, that's true but they were in packet form this is the pot!"

The first big difference is in the price, the packet version are less that half the price of the pot at a whole 50p cheaper and they have a higher net weight which is bizarre. I find it hard to believe that the packaging is worth the extra cost, let's see how we get on.

The afore mentioned packaging isn't recyclable and they even throw in a non-recyclable fork, grrrr. That said, prep is a simple matter of pour, cover, eat so they get 1 out of 2.

How do they taste? The answer is tasty, if not a bit salty. It's essentially a vegetable stock made up of onion powder, soy protein, mushroom powder, chives and a bit of curry powder - what's not to like and then with the added rehydrated vegetables you get a lovely texture too. I'm going to give them 3 out of 4 as that salt is bothering me a little.

Do they remind me of a vegetable dish? The answer is yes, just read above to see why, but the salt is getting overpowering, 1 out of 2.

How do I feel now I've finished it? Well is the answer, satiated but light. I do have this salt left though which isn't great. 1 out of 2.

Conclusion: If you've got the option, I'd go for the packet

Need 4 Noodle Rating: 6/10 which is the same as the packet version but with the extra half point for being able to eat straight from the packaging